Domestic Abuse Facts

 

Please note: This is common but is not always present in a violent relationship.

 

During the Calmness phase of the cycle, everything is going along fine. To outsiders, it is a normal, healthy relationship. However, this phase is often limited in duration.

During the Stress Period, the abusive partner is looking for anything to start a fight. This is often referred to as the tension building phase. Possessiveness, jealousy, and attempts to control the behavior of the other person in the relationship all come into play.

Following the stress period, a Violent Episode occurs…physical, sexual, and emotional abuse.

After the violent episode, the couple enters the Crisis State. The abuser expresses remorse, takes the blame, asks forgiveness, etc. This is the point in the cycle where the best opportunity for new direction is. The victim has either the choice to forgive the abuser once more, thus perpetuating the cycle of violence, OR they can choose to break the cycle of violence by seeking services from an agency such as DVIS.

If the cycle is not broken, the couple enters the Honeymoon Phase. During this period, it seems like everything will work out. The couple may be particularly affectionate and loving towards one another. In abusive relationships, the severity of the blowup and the abuse may be greater each time, making the period of remorse and making up even more dramatic. Sometimes the period following a violent episode is the only time a victim receives any affection from their partner.

Following this honeymoon period, everything returns the “normal” by entering the calmness stage of the cycle and the cycle repeats itself.

Types of Abuse

Domestic violence is the physical, sexual, or emotional violence occurring between partners in an ongoing relationship. There is no typical victim. It can happen to anyone at any time. Domestic violence knows no racial, age, or socioeconomic boundaries and occurs in all cultures.

Domestic violence is the physical, sexual, or emotional violence occurring between partners in an ongoing relationship. There is no typical victim. It can happen to anyone at any time. Domestic violence knows no racial, age, or socioeconomic boundaries and occurs in all cultures.

You are being physically abused if someone…

• Pushes or shoves you
• Slaps or hits you
• Pulls your hair
• Kicks or punches you
• Restrains you with force
• Chokes you
• Throws objects at you
• Abandons you in a dangerous place

You are being emotionally abused if someone…

• Withholds approval, appreciation, or affection as punishment
• Continually criticizes you, calls you names, shouts at you
• Makes all decisions for you
• Wants to control all your actions
• Humiliates you in public or private
• Ridicules your most valued beliefs, your religion, race or heritage
• Manipulates you with lies and contradictions
• Subjects you to reckless driving

You are being sexually abused if someone…

• Makes demeaning remarks about your gender
• Calls you sexual names
• Forces you to take off your clothing
• Touches you in ways that make you feel uncomfortable
• Forces you to have sex against your will
• Treats you and members of your gender as objects
• Insists you dress in a more sexual way than you want to dress, or
• Insists you dress less sexually
• Accuses you of sexual activity with others

Understanding Domestic Violence

People who stay in violent relationships undergo gradual steps of reasoning to reconcile the violence in their minds. The reasons a victim stays may change as the violence in the relationship progresses.

Things to Say to a Victim Reluctant to Leave a Violent Situation (or who is returning to one):

• I am afraid for your safety
• I am afraid for the safety of your children
• It will only get worse
• I am here for you when you are ready to leave
• You deserve better than this